A response to a message from my best friend. I thought it would make a good blog entry.
I thought all day about what I could say to help take away the pain.
Then I hear the rain..Heather will never hear it again.
I feel the cold...thats all she feels now.
I'm glad you messaged us. Because when anyone else tells me they're praying for me or there here for me...I just want to scream. I just want to be able to be sad and cry and roll on the ground and fall asleep with her pictures in my arms...but I never feel like I can because I simply feel nothing. Today was a rough day...last night was horrible, I laid awake in bed waiting for something bad to happen. I keep thinking i'll get a post from her tomorrow that this is absolutely the biggest best pulled off prank!!!
I'm starting to struggle with why because she seemed so happy...I can't help but watch your impact video to hear her laugh and think to myself...this can't be right people who laugh don't do this...I hate being alone cause i know in front of people i can pretend i have it all put together...i can pretend that life for me is moving forward...but not when I'm alone, i can fall apart then...
I wish I could convince myself and you that things will get better, but I feel as though they will get worse first.
I feel guilty for not feeling as much pain as some people do...but again I feel nothing...just numb.
This probably only made it worse but maybe it helped one of you to now feel so alone.