Monday, May 24, 2010
In the last two months i've gone back to Indiana three times...The car rides mainly have left me a lot of time to reflect. By reflecting I mean thinking about you. Heather, I miss you so much. I feel as though someday's I'm too numb for any of this to be real...However others, I know you're gone...and it scares me to think I may never see you again... Lindy and I talk about how you give the best Hugs...and as MUCH as I HATE hugs.... Heather, I would give anything for just one more. To tell you how much I love you... and that a world without you.... Is not one I like to be in... Somedays I pray it gets easier....While at other times I'm glad for the pain cause then At least I know I'm still feeling something. My summer job has left me with little time to dwell... however any down time, All I think about is you... I wish I would not have let silly (boy in particular) pull me away from you, I wish I would've reached out and tell you how much I had been thinking about you, and missing you. Little did I know that the missing pains would only get worse. I have been avoiding visiting you, but I'm counting the days til I can come say hi and bring you a flower (even though Adam says you hate them... I shall rebel and bring you one anyway :) ). I have such supportive friends, I bet you told God to do that. I'm listening to in loving memory and the line just said "I carry things that remind me of you" It's true. But I must confess last week I didn't want to look at it, I wanted you back, and to pretend like you weren't gone. I've changed, I value (some :) ) People more, I hope I make as big of an impact as you did. I wish you could see what I've been working on at work... you would love it. And Lindy works so hard, but we both have talked about how easy it is to break down at work missing you. I often excuse myself from the table making it obvious I'm tearing up about you. Adam, Makes me videos to remind me that its good to laugh again. I just miss you Heth, I just want to rewind the last three months, and really tell you how much I love you. Send you a smile text, send you a hug...something. Love You Heth...Keep being my angel...I really need one.