Glitter

There are so many things going through my mind.

I usually can't even sleep.

I find comfort in music.

I really love to listen to the lyrics.

I can apply so many songs to my life and in someway I find peace.

Knowing that once someone else felt the same way I did.

Whether it be a song about being in love.

A song about forgiveness.

A song about pain.

A song about the first time you see someone.

A song about wanting what you can't have.

Even a song about losing someone you love.

I love quotes.

I love things being laid on my heart that I can explain away through the words of an old poet.

I usually find that this song or these words will not escape my mind for days.

If you know me, you know that a good quote will end up as my status or printed out and hung up.

A good song will be repeated until i no longer feel that way.

Often times I'll fall in love with a song, and then forget about.

When I find it again, while shuffling the lists on my ipod, I'm instantly taken back.

What I find humorous is when I can reapply a song from 5 years ago to my life now.

Or even 5 months ago.

Many of you know I lost a dear friend last april.

Many of you knew it was a high school friend, that I hadn't kept in close touch with.

What most of you do not know, is that this friend got me through senior year.

That this friend had been a constant thought on my mind right before she passed away.

In fact we had conversed a day before.

What many of you don't know is that I didn't so much feel pain from losing something I had.

It was losing something I didn't get the chance to have.

7 months ago, I played a song on repeat.

I made it my status.

My mom called me the next day and made sure I was ok.

7 months ago, I told my mom I wanted to come home.

I was so homesick and lonely.

She was so encouraging.

My mom was my best friend.

"Have you eve hated yourself for staring at the phone. Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone"

My mom was that ring.

Find Strength in what remains behind

"Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be..."
— William Wordsworth

The last three weeks, have been anything been consistent for me. the way my days could go from high to low was impressive, even to someone who has never really known a normal in their life. Its hard to say whether those days and weeks of highs and lows will return. I'm sure they will but can hope that in light of recent events they will occur less often.

There is a calming in the air as a part of my life has been eliminated. I feel that the sun shining down is only an indication that was has recently ended was never meant to continue. This only brightens the smile on my face knowing that I no longer have to worry about being pushed down when I'm finally having a day of peace.

I was scolding a few weeks ago for making my thoughts public. For days, I felt like maybe I should just keep things to myself. Then someone told me how they appreciated what I had to say and it meant a lot to them. So to this person who brought me so far down for the last three months I have one thing to say to you: look in the mirror, and tell me that you honestly like who you've become.

I don't feel sad about the loss of a relationship, in fact I feel enlighten and hopeful for an even more amazing future. For sometimes you find that even though you have endured more pain and suffering then another person, you may be in a better place then they are.

I'm working on remembering my mom by doing things that she would do, or by doing things that I used to do that meant a lot to her.

So I baked my signature cookies that she loved, and gave them to other people. I baked muffins and used one of her favorite recipes.

One of our last conversations we talked about how she wished I was closer to her and could come bake for her. She loved when I baked or my sister made one of her unique creations.

I feel honored to have learned so many things from her in the short time that I had with her.


"Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be..."
— William Wordsworth

I will find strength in what remains, the memories of my mom and the many wonderful things that she blessed me with.